Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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