we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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