dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
