She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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