guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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