Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
