wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Randomize