..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
