Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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