in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
