guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize