The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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