This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
