Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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