while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
