I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
