I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
