i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
