Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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