i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
