Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
