Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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