Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
