We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I am mentally ready for anal.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
