I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
