just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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