She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize