New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
