HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
