It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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