I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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