i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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