I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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