She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
