Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
