What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
