I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
