i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
