Where are you?
In a non slutty way
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
