yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i wish my penis had a tongue
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
