the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize