girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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