break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
