Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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