I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
