Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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