I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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