I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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