i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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