I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
