sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
