I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
