So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
