that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
