i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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