Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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