You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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