A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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