i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
