if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
