I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
