Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
