Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
