I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You made out with two different species that night
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
