Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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