i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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