I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
