She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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