what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
