lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
